I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
