Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
