whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
