The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
