Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
