I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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