Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
