You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
