You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize