don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
she smelled like a LAN party
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
