Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
