If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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