I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
