fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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