Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
