thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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