He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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