As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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