the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
