Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Life is so much better after having sex.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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