I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
