OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
