even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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