a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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