your thong is hanging out like whoa
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
