just come out here and I will go home with you...
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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