Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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