I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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