I wish my penis had an off switch
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
