I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
