Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
