I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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