yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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