i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
