Yo dont text me then not text me
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I don't think brook has ever known best
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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