like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I'm really busy with my period
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