Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
