yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize