that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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