omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
