Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Randomize
