I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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