There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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