It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
