So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
