Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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