grandma shit on top of the toilet
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
