WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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