Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize