we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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