Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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