So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
