Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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