How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I smell like Dick and happiness
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
