tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
