Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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