in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I take back everything I said about communal showers
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
