this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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