i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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