somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
