In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
