I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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