So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
