That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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