yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
