He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I need to calm my uterus...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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