the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
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