I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
is wine microwaveable?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize